my.BEAUTIFUL DISASTER...

Thursday, June 28, 2007

FINALLY ITS OVER!

yeah exams are over and im like going to fly off to hk/macau tmr! cant wait for all the fun! you know i have been waiting for this day to come where i can relax ever since june holidays! but yeah not a total relaxation for me cos teachers are giving us one pile of hw. first is econs 23 DRQ and case studies???! like what?!!! how am i suppose to finish all when im gg for a holiday??? faints. im jus doin some.. i really... need a break. before i burn out. and it aint too good a sign esp since A's is around the corner. LOl. yeap. then there's physics.. laser and semicon topic. on Km. like. SHarks. i dunno if i have time. and last but not least.. the killer math about sampling theory??? i didnt know wad was going on during lecture so i bet it will take me years to do the tutorial so i shall wait for mr neo to do a summary first. this sucks!!! its like after exams but im not truly FREE. like.. physic tr said 7 more weeks to PRELIMS. like YEAH it does help by saying that. by stressing us out!!! wad good does it do??? please la. play hard work hard. not work hard and burn out real hard. ahhahaha yar lor. no logic to give us tons of stuff to do during enrichment week when its supposed to be ENRICHMENT and not MAKE UP LESSONS week? like freak! and yar... like no point also.. oh well what can i lament about the education sys today? it is really flawed. June holidays for studyin. is that even called holidays? more likely to be called JUNE HORRORDAYS.

yeah.. jus to divert my anger away.. jus wanna say HE* inspires me. i dunno for wad reason but i always tend to think that he is so so noble. and he's character is soo perfect no wonder im in love with him.. heehee. JX says im sounding mushy.. but oh well.. i just think he is different from other guys and i was right. wow. he went to cambodia and came back but his heart didnt really come back. he wanted to go there again or maybe forever to help. he is willing to forgo his present lifestyle just to help other children in need. just how perfect is he? oh well one day if he really does that. i promise i would go too.... and of cos... in my eyes, he is always so perfect!

aww. that really needs to be censored. lol.. but anw. come back to blogging! went out with seafood clan today for lunch at fish and co at paragon.. kinda enjoyed food sharing! then met jess and jx my two dears!!! and went to take neoprints at cine! ehooo. fun fun even though it was only neoprints!!! i simply love jess and JX to the core!!! we can jus talk abt anythg under the sun!!! LOL!!! when can we go out again??? my K-BOX?? hahaha i think... must wait until my A's over man. looking at the pile of work i have. ARGHHH i hate it.

~sukai

my.BEAUTIFUL DISASTER... ;

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

K-BOOKS-ing!!!!

these few weeks have been so traumatising because of constand mugging like some horrific routine such that this last week i have decided to be a full-time slacker!!! and i have a new addiction, which is to listen to radio! 883jia Fm really rocks!!! and im in love with almost all the Djs(kaiying, youyi, jiafa, shi han) there for their super entertaining programmes and their "off frequency" talks.. so much like me.. siao siao one!!! ahhaha makes me relax a lot.. and i realised jus yesterday after my physics paper i have got like 5days holiday???? WHOOTs!!! should be flying off!!! maybe hk??? maybe taiwan?? maybe others too also.. haven decided!!! hahaha cant wait lorh!!! i needa break!!!!! and i realised.. when im saying this... my dear friend is mugging so hard!!! BLEE. make me feel guilty again!!! faints!

slept at 130am last night just to listen to radio. lol. think my electricity bill will burst this month cos of my high consumption.. hahaha. oh right.. this afternoon im so gonna watch tv watch tv go out sleep eat!!!! i don care alr.. this is called self declare holiday!!! haha... aiya.. talking about being so happy... i suddenly miss someone alot!!!!! like tons!!!!! its like since when didnt see him alr.. didnt talk also cos he super bz like me. LOl. oh wells... i also miss 3 other BESTIES saleena, jess and JX!!!!! like tons!!! oh right. my dear zac too.. he went on holiday like he should cos he has been working so hard. just hope he will jia you and take care lorh!! IMH!!! ok this is rather mushy... censored pls. hahaha..

alrights.. im gg to watch tv!!!!!!! and yes.. this is called... off tangent behaviour due to too much stress for past weeks. hah! love ya guys so much and cant wait to see you all! love!

~sukai

my.BEAUTIFUL DISASTER... ;

Sunday, June 10, 2007

FORGIVE AND FORGET

believe it or not, im on the road to enlightenment.. i dunno what has gotten over me these few days to be able to think like some priest or monk would do.. i am indeed amazed with myself.. the way i handled the sensitive matter that happened few days back. well.. im glad to say that yes, i have thought things through and i have forgiven the fren who has hurt me if this were to happen few years back i would have just daoed the person or worse still do the same to hurt her but no no i realise all this is wrong.. very wrong.. why am i hurting them because hurting them is akin to hurting God... truthfully, i should even thank her really for helping me think in the correct way like what God would do.. i guess my wound.. has healed. in someway or another because of two days of deep thinking.. thinking about God, about what zac would usually say, about my other friends words.. and ive came to a conclusion that hey this the reason why i would forgive and forget is because of one word.. CHERISH. i cherish our frenship and i still respect her. no doubt, there will be a scar always but sometimes looking at the scar will remind me of God's message to all beings which is to forgive those who have sinned... and i believe.. i really believe that i shouldnt just let go of this frenship....

well.. ive got one cynical fren who keeps saying that this is my way of running away from problems but i really do not think so.. you see.. i used to be angry for very long if this kinda thg were to happen to me previously..but this time... after 2days.. only 2days.. i managed to get out of that sort of thinking.. bounce back to my happy mood and i really gotta thank my parents for that. haha they did not know what happened but this two days they have been so encouraging! giving me mental and physical support when im feeling sian of studying.. oh wells.. im really glad also that he gave me his views regarding this and i must admit... 60% of this thinking was because of my love for him. really. he is such a staunch christian and somehow.. when he stresses these ideas about God i would listen intently and fit it to my current situation. and most of the time he managed to talk me out of tough situations. so i gotta thank him loads for helping me to look at this matter from another angle. im really really soooo grateful towards him.

yep, so what ive been trying to say is that.. ive kinda recovered from that stab.. slowly accepting that no one is perfect. accepting that hatred can be tamed because of God's love for us. We do things not for ourselves but for God, for our family for our friends.. if our family members or frens have hurt us, dont be angry, dont hate them, just pray to God and ask God to forgive them because when they hurt you, they're actually hurting God. so at the end of the day, hopefully, God's love for them will make them a better person. will make them more sensitive to people around and make them learn to LOVE.

wow. is that so philosophical? haha. im mad. that is what are my views la.. although it might not be related to any religion.. highly influenced by his thinking hahah which made me alot happier! thanks everyone..

~sukai

my.BEAUTIFUL DISASTER... ;

Friday, June 08, 2007

HURT. VERY DEEP STAB BY YOU.

an sms that killed my mood. an sms that made me cry for hours. and sms that made me think what on earth have i done to deserve all this. an sms that made me question do all my frens feel that way? an sms that made my life so miserable. and why??? because of someone's misconception? because i did not explain enough? i dunno. i really wanna know what have i done wrong... hey... u know those words cant be taken back? do u even know that im so hurt? i know u dont mean it. i know. but are u being superficial i dunno. sometimes thinking to much can make me blame myself more. why didnt i even clarify?

btw. i don wish to lose such a good fren. or rather good frens. but from this incident it really shows how shallow our frenship. not that i wanna question it... but if we really took sometime of to hear what happen, if we can share and talk it out? wont it be better? i dunno. its so hard to face u now. im trying to take as if nothing happened but can i? its hard.

for the past few weeks so many things happened and yeah im trying to be happy be myself. and what has gotten into u to say such a hurtful thing that stabbed right through my heart? i respected u for ur candidness, ur leadership qualities and i presume u to have the ability to be able to look at things optimistically.. is it that im wrong? oh well. i shall not say anymore. the more i brood. the more i cry. this feeling is unbearable!! its like. i have no reason to feel angry because what she did may not be intentional. yet. i cannot cry because why am i feeling sad??

argh. this mess sucks. lost all my mood to study.

anw this incident makes me feel rather doubtful abt my close frens around me as what my dear wife meisum said.. i agree.. but nonetheless ive got 2 persons to thank for well.. listening to me ramble.. haha. first is jessica my dearest loveliest sis and second is sums. third person... is JX.. although i didnt tell her anything but i gotta thank her still..

jess: u know i think this is called fate.. we only knew each other via the esther kwan forum but we turned out to be fantastic frens and of cos sworn sis. im really glad GOD gave me this lovely sister of mine.. first i wanna thank u for listening to me always. no matter its regarding sch work, home stuff or personal relationships u are always there for me.. guiding me and supporting me.. im really touched.. u know.. u are my dearest only sis and i will love ya for life!!! its a promise yea? and of cos.. second i wanna thank her for being the most tolerant sister ever!! u know.. my mood swings.. no matter what, she will always accomodate me, help me and this makes me really really touched.. guilty sometimes! but nonetheless.. i really. wanna give her a BIG HUG AND SCREAM THANKS!

sums: hey my wife.. she doesnt read my blog but i can jus write though. hmm i wanna thank her for crapping with me.. although it may seem so superficial and childish i know its a form of understanding each other.. and thanks for hearing me out.. giving me sound advice and stuff since like day1 we met?? hahah i hope... i hope that out frenship will last a lifetime too alright? and yea.... thanks for making me happy..

JX: mama.. i know once u read this entry u would be so concerned and ask what happened.. yesh don try to act ignorant.. but anw.. i gotta say a biggg thanks to u too for tolerating my nonsense online and offline. u know.. the first person that comes into my mind whenever i have a problem is u other than jess. because u always give me the feeling that u are a good listener.... thanks for being there for me whenever and wherever. u really motivate me to be a better person.. hopefully i can meet up with u again... miss you tons!

~sukai

my.BEAUTIFUL DISASTER... ;