my.BEAUTIFUL DISASTER...

Saturday, December 30, 2006

I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHY

Its going to be the end of 2006 and looking back, there's only 1 thing i regret so much... i really had a brillant year -- made 3 good good friends in Nj who are from my class(seafood clan/noisy4), made another 2 good friends from senior class (BY and my daddy wilson), results was quite above average and above what i expected, most importantly, i met zac. he gave me the sweetest memory of my life and made me motivated. and of course, i managed to fulfil my wish of going to hk to see my hk friends and fung. having such a life, you should be wondering why am i still so grumpy and sad..

well... one big disappointment comes from someone i knew since 1st 3 mths of Jc, someone whom i believe has a great impact on my life in some way, someone who has in a way encouraged me when i was really down or when i was lacking in confidence(when i was abt to collect o's results) someone whom i thought i could confide in and talk to. this person might not really think what he said was important or what he did was significant, but i am really grateful to him as a friend because his actions and words really made my life in NJ so much better... even though ive deleted all your smses, i still rmb the nicknames you used to call me, the times we joked and everything. most importantly, i must thank you for what you said when i collected my o's results.. although i bet you may have forgotten, im really really touched by that word of encouragement.

i wonder if you will ever get to read this.. i really hope you do. because i have been thinking for ages what actually spoilt our friendship... we've become more distant, and not only that, i realised your attitude towards me as a friend has changed.. alot. changed so much that im starting to be afraid of you.. because when i really treat you as a good friend, you just started to drift further away. we started to talk less, sms less and the worst thing is when i was trying to be nice and talk to you through sms, u would reply once and dao the rest of my smses.

i seriously dunno what have i done wrong or is it because of your attitude... seriously, if i had known you are such a person, i wouldnt even dare tell u so much about myself, wouldnt even treat you as a friend... but.. i just dont get it, even if u dislike my way of doing certain things maybe, you could tell me directly... i just dont wish to lose a good friend just because we didnt make an effort to talk to each other or communicate well.. it really saddens me... up till now, you have been my greatest regret. maybe like what BY said, you are just sian already.. but.. its so illogical... sian of your friend? i dont understand... =(

sometimes i feel that no matter how hard i try to connect, its you who is unwilling. so why do i have to go to such extent? to be sad over a friend who doesnt treat me like a friend. to be grumpy over such trivial matters... why? people may think i treat you more than a friend, but thats really not true! from the start, ive only treated you like a confidante. nothing else. its plain friendship.. so i dont understand why are u "avoiding me"... oh well...

i really wish to scold you sometimes, but.. i cant do so. i want to ask you why why why. but.. i have no courage to face you and the answers. im so lost. this is really the greatest regret of the year... maybe i shouldnt care so much like what JX says.. and i think i will...

~sukai

my.BEAUTIFUL DISASTER... ;

Friday, December 29, 2006

SUFFERING FROM POST HOLIDAY SYNDROME

first, im sick. keep coughing non stop and feeling so uncomfortable when i speak for too long. yucks.
second, im suffering from this incurable illness called "post holiday syndrome". after the long break and 2 overseas trip, im totally in the holiday mood still. cannot really accept the fact that next year im taking A levels exam and i need to study harder. gosh. i tried so hard to sit down and study my chemistry but i cant seem to concentrate.. its like, after reading 2 pages or so, i would doodle or sms or even go and watch tv! how crazy and erratic my life has become! i need a psychologist to psycho me to concentrate and study if not.. im really going to fail my tests! next year i know is going to be a tough year, so i need to be prepared.. add oil everyone!
add oil sasa for your jan exams! add oil Jx! actually with you two encouraging me and pushing me i should feel more inspired to study.. but now, im not!! i dunno why but i feel that urge to slack. i guess this year i really burnt too many of my brain cells.. >.<>

third, its my jealousy! i really wish i was in hk now because i want to see my friends and fung plus ah zheng! i miss them alot! and yar.. im so jealous because ah zheng has so many functions recently plus he has so many new songs im dying to hear! saw his "new image" and must say im soo impressed and i feel that he is getting "cooler" by the day hahah. so jealous. i just wish i was there to attend all his functions and yes, make him get sick of seeing me. hahha but.. here i am.. dreaming because i know i cant go to hk. >.<>

hmmm.. school is so going to start on 3jan and i have no idea how fast pace my life is going to get next year! really dread it but i know i have to face it! help! give me the courage and concentration!!! i really want to do well... ooohhh yes, JX, pls rmb our 6jan date! hahah cant wait to see you.. and yes, i must still say THANK YOUUU SO SO MUCH FOR PUTTING UP with my nonsense and hearing all my complains! muackks. thanks dear! do take care!

~sukai + i love him more each day +

my.BEAUTIFUL DISASTER... ;

Thursday, December 28, 2006

MIXED FEELINGS =X

my computer wasnt even infected with virus at all! that's the bad thing.. because after i sent it for repair, the repairman told me my computer was fine.. then i was speechless because he managed to turn on my computer and managed to type and go online. bleah. but i cant believe it! my computer was so spoilt few days back, it kept typing rrrrrr for no reason and when i type any letter like "a" for example, "OIUY" would appear. and... now.. u tell me its ok?? i was shocked. nvm. maybe its a blessing in disguise.. i need not pay for servicing and need not wait until jan for my comp to be ok. YAY!

hmm for the past few days ive been out with either my mum or my cousins to shop and relax since its the last week of my holidays! >.<>

yeah.. i wonder how is everyone out there... especially sasa! if u see my blog please tell me u are fine ok? that day u disappeared when u talk to me on msn and i was thinking where did u go! hahaha anw, i havent been to hao zheng's website lately and today i just visited the web.. most of the photos couldnt load so i couldnt see his pictures.. but yeah... heard he has 2 new songs! hurray! and i went to the link to watch his dance and song with e02 and the rest of snazz artists and haha i just cant believe it... so funny!! i cant imagine him singing and dancing! but nonetheless, i guess he's so busyyyy nowadays.. wish him all the best man. no wonder he didnt reply my emails too. sob sob. aiyaaaa. slap me. how can i be so.... NAIVE to think he will reply? hah! slap me. but yes i took some time to look at his next functions, some old pictures etc. wow. the site took so long to load and sometimes u wait and wait but nothg comes out! arghh....

haiz. supposed to clean my room today but i didnt! suppose to study chem but i didnt! suppose to do so many things but i didnt do! morning i watch tv from 9 to 12pm. then afternoon slack my time away on tv from 2 to 3pm and online from 3 to 6pm! oh my!!! im wasting my life away!! help!! ok tonight i promise i will... try to be productive and study! seriously.. the computer is a BIG DISTRACTION.

~sukai

my.BEAUTIFUL DISASTER... ;

Sunday, December 24, 2006

MERRY XMAS EVERYONE!!!

sorryy for not updating my blog!! because my computer has some virus so i cant even start it at all~ but because I MISS SOME PEOPLE HERE, so i specially used the laptop in my cousin's house to write la!!! ok that day i went out with jessica an jia xin to celebrate xmas!! we had a lot of fun laughing and talking and eating! but of course, this reminds me of the time in 2005 we spend in hk! MISS HK alot! i remember 2004 i spend xmas in hk.. it was so so nice ad memorable! the streets were blocked and there was so many people walking around the streets.. the xmas mood was so strong la! i just love it =) oooh thanks for the card jessica! and the words were soo sweet! thanks!

ok now i have to say i wanted to blog about my outing with jessica and jia xin! but.. after so long, i forgot what i wanted to say! just wanted to thank them for making me happier! then that night, i went out to have dinner with meisum and peixuan!! actually xuesi supposed to come too but she was sick >.<""" hahah we went breeks for dinner and ordered chicken and fish! the serving was so so big and we were so full after eating! then we walked around for quite some while and took neoprints! talked a lot and laughed alot too! next time we no need t eat la. just laugh and we will be full already! =) thanks for the sunflower too! the happy sunflower made me smile!

since my computer is spoilt, i will nt update my blog for another few weeks, or months! so i hope all my friends who read my blog wont be sad la! i will try my best to reply either your msg or tag soon! LOVE ALL OF YOU! ESPECIALLY SASA!! thanks for sending m the xmas sms! its very expensive to reply la so i didnt expect you to reply!! but anyway, i want to let you know i am very glad to have made a great fren like you =)

~sukai

my.BEAUTIFUL DISASTER... ;

Sunday, December 17, 2006

=( again

someone left. im very sad. i realise i love him* so so much now... previously perhaps i took him for granted. perhaps he was too nice to me but now... i can hear my heart shatter, even if he said he was ONLY going off for 1 month. but i know... after this 1 month, it maybe another 4/5 years.. how would i feel then? can i bear the pain? can i be as happy and lame as my usual self? i dunno.. im really feeling so much of pain and agony. i cried today again. this time in front of him.. but the more he comforted me, the more i cried. i wanted very much to stop crying because i hope to have a happy memorable time b4 he leaves.. but.. i couldnt do it. =( brought my camera because i hope we could take some nice photos.. but in the end.. i didnt take any photos. because i know if i see the photos... i will cry again. these photos will remind me of him* and the fact that 1 month is a very very long time.. I REALLY MISS HIM* please tell me 1 month will pass quickly

now im listening to liang jing ru's songs... those meisum sent me.. they are really so suitable for portraying my feelings now.. i dun have anymore things to say.. i just keep thinking.. one day, if he really says he's gg for 5 years.. i wonder.. i really wonder how am i going to react. im in such a dilemma. i really wish and hope he can excel in his studies so that he can get the best out of his course.. but... i really dont want him to leave. what can i do?

next year... i will know the outcome. the answer ive been dreading to hear. leave/stay its not up to me to decide... i can only give my blessings and tell him.. i'll wait. but.. can i bear to see him leave? sighs. i think next year will be really a bad year for me.. first is this. then is A levels, a major exam so that i can qualify for a good university. tell me how bad can life get?

~sukai
i can only watch and wait. wait. and bear the pain. who can give me that ounce of courage i need?

my.BEAUTIFUL DISASTER... ;

Saturday, December 16, 2006

CHASE STAR SESSION

today planned to chase some tvb stars although they're not my favourite la because stay at home also nothing to do and also partly because i refuse to touch that pile of undone hw because its so intimidating!

haha so being a typical excapist, i went to seek some excitement! 1030 i met jessica at her house, after we had a great photo exchanging session we went to tiong bahru market to eat our lunch! i had char siew rice with grass jelly drink and jessica had her favourite fish soup! hahah her lunch looks sooo nice but mine tasted good too=) then we went off to bugis to shop and look for nice things to buy! i was feeling so drowsy and sleepy so i was not in the mood to buy anything >.<>.<''

then after we walked until we got so bored and tired, we went to aiport and waited for the tvb stars to come.. WAIT WAIT AND WAITED until when i was on the verge of pulling all my hair out and being soooo bored that i nearly fell asleep, grace spotted a vivien yeo look alike so she started saying, eh, vivien yeo looks something like that.. blah blah. and GUESS WHAT! the person she was referring to was exactly vivien yeo! OMG. so ACCURATE!!! hahaha she walked towards us, checked in and then when we wanted very much to go approach her, her family came and talked to her. so IN THE END! we didnt have a chance to take solo photos with her/let her sign my all about women album. >.<""" IF ONLY we were more daring! but nvm, she is not even my favourite/anyone i like.. so its alright. seeing her is enough.

THEN.. WE WAITED FOR SOOO long(about 1hr30mins) before our main target came! HE WAS being led in by some security guards and the guards refused to allow fans to take photos or talk to him.. although im not his fan at all.. i still think his fans are rather poor thing.. one and only chance to take photo and sign also gone! but luckily, he was nice.. because we* kept calling his name, he stopped for a while to help us sign and let us take photos of him.. BUTTTT.. my hand kept shakingggg sooo much that for the 5 TIMES he looked into my cam, all 5 TIMES were blurred!!!!!!!! >.<"""""""" IM SOOOO ANGRRYYY hahaha lucky he's not my fav.. if not.. i'll feel like knocking my head against the wall. so after much squeezing.. i managed to ask him if we(jess and me) can take a pic with him and he said ok! wow! despite him rushing, we still took a photo with him!! i guess that's the spirit of being sisters!! CHIONGG TGT! one snap loads of photos, the other wait for chance to ask him!! hahaha do we sound scary? aiya.. relax.. we're not that... SCARY UNLESS u SNATCH our FAVourites from us! am i right jessica??

so i decided not to snap photos anymore dur to my shaky hand.. and took video(short one) instead.. when he was abt to go in, i screamed BYE BYE and expected a turn of head to say BYE or something but guess what?! he did not even turn his head! although he said BYE.. that was so... frustrating. in the end, my video captured his back and side only. BACKSIDE MAN. hahahaha >.<""

then came the old snobbish female tvb star and.. we didnt like her attitude so i shall not talk about it. thereafter, we went to the foodcourt to eat our so called dinner! jessica and i had qiu lian noodles and it tasted yummy! i still remember first time ah fung came.. after the chase, me, jess, weilin and angela went to that place to eat and me and jess had the same noodles too! but at that time, because i was too anxious/happy/surprised and confused i didnt eat much and in the end wasted about 3/4 of the food... but today, surprisingly, i finished all.. weird.. usually if im happy to see a tvb star, i wont be able to eat! i guess.. that proves that i dont like him/her that much. hah!

after all the rushing, jessica and i went to town.. far east to shop shop! we saw many nice clothes and we went to try 2 of the many nice clothes from the shop called "bus stop".. really tempted to buy them but because i was not "rich" enough, i didnt... then.. met my dear mummy and we went to shop for shampoo and stuff at tangs/taka..whew. very tired when i reached home.

bathed and blogged! so that's the end of today's entry! =)

~sukai

my.BEAUTIFUL DISASTER... ;

Thursday, December 14, 2006

WAS THAT THE TRUTH?

yes, and so i received the mail from that particular someone i claimed to be rude and annoying but that was after i indirectly scolded that person. how nice. it feels so bad scolding someone indirectly and worse still.. that person is not at all repentant. so now, i have decided to take things easy and not be so uptight about trivial things like this. after reflecting on my behaviour, i really felt that what i did was not only irrational, it was also very foolish. so then again, i regret what i did. but oh well.. its over. shall be more catious of what i say and how i say things the next round. (hopefully there isnt any next round)

now i really feel so confused because i dont even know how my feelings work! i think there's smthg seriously wrong with my brain...

you know, im starting to realise how my dear friends are taking me for granted. when they need me, they come calling, when they have fun with their other friends, im ignored.. u see.. even a few of my good friends are treating me this way.. you tell me.. do i have the right to feel angry/sad/disappointed? truthfully, some are even my so called good sisters. maybe im too fragile. i allow a friend to become a good friend too easily and so im easily hurt. maybe maybe.. but basically, this is the core of why im feeling so grumpy these days. now i know, that in this superficial world, ive got to be superficial. ive got to know who treats me sincerely and best lest i trust the wrong person. i feel stupid. so stupid sometimes when im reminded of one incident.. when it reflected so clearly that hey that was what a good sister of mine did to me. hurt me so badly without her even knowing it. from now on, everything about me will change. im not what i use to be.. so naive and trusting anymore.

sad to say, i hate myself for that change but i realise in order not to be hurt, i need to adapt to the changing notion of what i call "friends"... also somethg else is bothering me..

STRESS

school is going to start real soon and im not even done with my holiday hw and revision for tests! help please!! i simply hate being "pushed" and being stress because it makes me rush through my blog entry and so i cant really write what ive been intending to say. Guess that means... ive got to buck up and do hw!

add oil to everyone! especially him* and JX
sometimes i wonder why im doing so much for him* its like.. he will not know how much ive done and most importantly, he's so near yet so far. i think im so foolish. i know im willing to do anything for him* even if my actions are not reciprocated. i know im willing to be labelled as "mad woman" because of what i did. i know..i know.. i know what might or will happen but im still bent on doing it. why?

call it subservience to love? WHO KNOWS?

~sukai

my.BEAUTIFUL DISASTER... ;

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

WAITING

waiting for something to happen but i dont know what. perhaps waiting for the impossible miracle to occur... so much that if it really occurs, it must be a dream. how painful can it get?
everyday i try to tire myself out by engaging in senseless activities, so much that a usual owl like me would fall asleep unknowingly at 1130pm every night. i hate this kind of life. i hate this way im living it. but what else can i do?

school cip camp has made me really exhausted physically and mentally. everyday i stare at the computer feeling so numb such that even if i see the long awaited reply sitting comfortably in my mail box there's not much of a difference. YET, yet. i make it a point to come online everyday, just to check my mail. and blog and chat with friends who might not fully understand what im going through.. but some were nice enough to shower care and concern. im really touched but truthfully that tinge of warmness just weans off after a while... sigh.

why is this so called aquantaince making my life so miserable? or is it me? i tend to magnify problems i know but.. maybe i should heed what clarissa and boon said.. IGNORE. afterall ignorance is bliss. finally, i felt the true essence of this statement. cliche but true.

oh well. im too tired to say another word. nights

~sukai

my.BEAUTIFUL DISASTER... ;

Sunday, December 10, 2006

NAIVE

sometimes i dOnt know who to believe and who not to. One side says the other side is wrong and because i do not know the situation at all, i cannot comment and decide on who to support. this is the painful irony im facing now. and its hurting me because if i decide on a stand(i must) someone might be wrongfully hurt/sad because both of them are sort of my friends.. call me naive. maybe they do not treat me as friends at all! all i've done.. everything i said to them was so sincere. and yet. to think that they may be just treating me like a fool. how nice can that feeling be?

as for my other hk aquaintance rather than friend.. i have nothing to say. totally take me for granted and now im starting to regret abt being too friendly to this person. it really doesnt pay being kind and friendly. you'll just get bitten in the end without even knowing who is the culprit behind your death. >.< hate the superficial world. hate those hypocrites and hate those back stabbers. it really makes me lose confidence and trust in people around me. even my closest friends... i guess the complexity of my social circle is too overwhelming for me to handle... and i have to remind myself that who i consider as friend or just "hi and bye" aquaintances.

i realised that in the past maybe i was too naive.. to think that sincerity can touch all hearts. but NO. its not as simple as ive said. well, i guess for now.. i will make it a point to differentiate who are really nice and sincere to me and those superficial people waiting to make use of me.

actually.. this entry sprouts from my disappointment in a hk "hi and bye" aquaintance ive just met. im really utterly =( that to think ive been made use of. felt anger at first. then hey i realised i was just to naive so i can only blame myself so the anger was overcomed with self reproach.

sighs. VERY DISAPPOINTED to see how you have treated me.

~sukai + learn to let go +

my.BEAUTIFUL DISASTER... ;

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

MY HK WONDERLAND!

30nov
reached hk at abt 4pm and by time my family and i checked in and stuff it was about 5pm. rested for a while b4 meeting jessica at 530pm? or was it 6pm? hahah.. then we went off to sino to get some photos.. this time the photos were not very nice because firstly myo appeared "fatter" than usual and her hairstyle was kinda gross. hahaha so didnt get too many of hers... but i bought some fungyi.bosco stuff for jia xin and my friends! then at 630pm, went to meet christo. got her a pandan cake. um.. there after i parted with jessica and went to meet my parents for dinner cum shopping! dinner was yummy! ate at a restaurant. ate broccoli, roast chicken, papaya soup(YUM!) and... more! was sooo full! so we went to fa yuen gai to walk and of course ladies market! i bought.. 3 skirts, 1 dress, 1 NB shoes, and some accessories! =) spent about sg 200 bucks! my gosh. my dad nearly fainted. hahaha

smsed my HK friends -- sasa, jacky, ah yin etc.. to tell them my hk number and say im in hk alr! and jacky was so nice to reply my sms with a call to welcome me to hk! *touched* he was so polite too.. WAHA.

1 dec
hohoh met jessica kinda early and went for fung's function(GRAND HYATT WAN CHAI) hahah saw many many stars! and fung too!!! he was so nice, talked to me without me askin him anythg and he kept looking at my camera to pose! thankew fung!! hahaha then he still rmb me!!! im *more touched* hahhaa.. took fotos with him! turned out pretty nice just that he appeared really tired.. =( saw more stars but all not my favs so went off to ave of stars to see where was the stage for the night's function ( for ah zheng)

hahhaah.. I LOVE ah zheng to bits and to pieces! he rawks. first time he saw me he asked me what is my name (chinese) and how to write it.. then he complimented me saying that my name is soooo nice! HEHEHHE i was flying! no one ever said my name for nice.. yet he.. a song writer cum actor said it was nice! oh my. how HIGH was i.. hahah then he posed and we took fotos... really turned out marvellous!! he posed cute poses so naturally! wow! hahah and the main thg of course is that he also asked alot of questions and there was no silence at all during our meeting! hahaha he asked, i ans, he laughed, i laughed! woo! and yes.. he wrote a sweet sweet msg to me on my scrap book asking me not to be afraid of my A's next yr!!!! HOW SWEET!! he took so much effort to write!! it was really A PAGE LONG! no artiste has ever done that for me!! u could imagine.. i really cant slp that night!

and ave of stars was really chilly!!! but me and jessica still tahaned all the way until the function ended because ah zheng is sooo nice! we stood there for 3 hrs.. hahahah and yes.. snapped loads of pics.. drew postards! and jacky called me when i was drawing postcards and pple at the booth tot he was my boyfriend! hah!! wad a mistake!

2dec
went to macau and zhu hai! woke up super late because the nite b4 i slept really late!! so i rushed to zhu hai to get some stuff(vcds) and i bought like... 6 dramas?? mans! all hk shows. I love em! then... macau we rushed here and there to snap fotos and buy food!!! loads of food there and nice buildings!

at night, met cris and sasa for dinner! we had such a fun time!!! talked alot!!! and they guessed who else i like other than fung(which is of cos ah zheng) hahahaha then we ate good food!!!! and sadly forgot to take pics.. hhaha but nvm cos we'll be meeting soon again!

3dec
attended fung's party! and we sat right in front of the stage!!!! when fung came in, he saw me and said : " OEEEHHHH " hahahah so cute! he noticed me and i was glad. then snapping pics time was nice man. cos i was sitting in front so i got most of the nice shots! whoo! then fung came to our table and posed with the one and only guy fan! hahaha he was practically standing beside me. WHOO then when the crowd dispersed.. i asked him if we can take a photo cos i was leaving early.. he agreed!!! yay! cat helped us take a pic and i must really thank her for the effort!
finally.. i needed to go for my other dear dear's function so i rushed off! b4 that i signalled to fung and told him im gg and he said BB to me!!! i was soooo sweetified!! at least he knew i came and when i left! *touched*

ok now for his* stuff!!! mans i reached there super early.. and me and jessica and sasa waited for soooo long! suddenly jacky signalled for me to come and when i went closer he* still didnt appear!! so i asked jacky why ask me come nearer.. and guess wad. he held my hand and brought me closer and said..stand here better. he's coming out soon. omg. lucky no one saw. so embarrassing. treat me like xiao mei mei liddat.. yucks.

then... of cos! he came. he sang! i snapped loads of nice pics! and... finally when it was over.. we went to see him privately! he remembered our names and waved, smiled and said hello! hahaha i melted again! then jessica snapped pics while i talked to him.. then we walked to carpark with him and on the way.. sasa and i were busy sabo-ing each other while talking to him!!! he was soooo cute!!! and of cos.. so cheeky.. esp when we reached the carpark! he asked if sg gals wear spag top and hot pants out! and he asked if we(jess and i) are liddat too.. and asked if we were hot! oh my. i stunned for a long while... hahaha!! then cos he kept harping on this so i pointed to sasa and said.. "she's hot la!" hahahaha then sasa shy shy again. hhaha! he just laughed! so funny la. then we talked more and he gave us his email!!!! he said will find us when he come sg i think!! whoo. i was really HIGH HIGH HIGH that day!

later.. went dinner with sasa and got hime early cos sasa having sch the next day! but overall. i felt that this day was my happiest day!!!!! and of cos highest day!

4dec
shopping with jessica! we spent the whole day tgt! basically just doing rubbish stuff and roaming the streets!!! actually supposed to meet cris and sasa for dinner but they couldnt make it.. so we postponed! dont know why i felt kinda sad this day and i teared.. went back to hotel and cried too.. called jx and sasa and cried to them! aiyoh. so malu(embarrassing) but yes.. its partly becos i miss hk alot, partly cos of some friend problem and fung problem. complex! haix

5dec
met sasa at 0800am at KL T mtr! she brightened my dayy! i felt so happy seeing her and talking to her! we talked about everythg and she was nice to ask me why i cried.. oh well. didnt feel like talking abt it so changed topic. i really hope she can come visit sg soon! after my A's maybe... =) then ate at delifrance.. had no mood so ate v little! jessica came to join us soon! and after a while.. sasa needed to leave so we took fotos and bid her goodbye! I REALLY MISS HER ALOT! hope she is fine and happy... no matter what, i will always be with u sasa!!

then went back hotel to pack up and bathe. met cris at 130pm b4 gg to jessica's hotel to pick her up! on the way cris told me alot abt wad happened and i was so touched she told me smthg sooo private. i really treat her as my big sister! i will never forget what she has done for me and all the memories she has created for me.. thanks cris jie! went to eat dim sum and ordered a lot!!! rushed to finish the food and went back to my hotel..

the most embarrassing thg happened now. I CRIED. I CRIED SO MUCH IN FRONT OF CRIS. oh my. that's cos she said somethg so touching... i really couldnt hold back my tears.. she asked me to study hard and dont be lazy. she said if i see her present is equals to seeing her so she will watch over me when im studying! she say she will work hard save money to come sg soon! and she ask me dont cry be happy because she wants to see me happy! she also mentioned that she hopes for our fate to continue and even asked me to email her once i reach sg because she will wait for my mail. OH GOSH. her words are so sincere that it touched my heart.. and my tears jus kept flowing. so from that instant. i promised her.. to work hard. to study hard and get into university. and also i promised zac not to be afraid. because he wants me to face exams with courage and peserve. i can do it! i know i can! with both of them supporting me! i can and will try my very best! i give them my word!

5dec/6dec
HOME! still in the crying mood cos sad to leave hk.. teared alot of times when i re-read cris and his* msg.. jessica told me to put that as my motivation! but now.. im in a dilemma.. i want next yr to pass faster so i can see them* again! yet i dont want it to pass so fast because i need more time to study! haix. no mood to study. when i study will just think of them(cris and him*) so i guess i need some time to cool off.

********************** messages for my beloved friends and sister! *************************

sister: thanks so much for all the happy memories u and i created in hk! i will never forget the times we were tgt roaming the streets, shopping, eating and of course chasing stars. i really must thank u so much for accompanying me to see him* and of course helping me take many photos! really hope hk07 will be a blast too and we shall study hard tgt and look forward to hk07(if i can go to hk). no matter what, i will always be here for u and i will pray hard for u to be able to see ur favs next yr! do study hard and take care! i miss you loads sister! and lets look forward to sunday!

sasa: i dont know if u will see this but i must thank you so much for everything! seriously.. i treat u more than a good friend and i hope that u know i will always be there for u too =) no matter what, i thank you for listening to me talk on that day i cried.. thanks so so much for the memories! we only meet once a year so dont worry. i promise u i will work hard and if i get good grades i will come hk visit u and cris again! u must pray for me wor!

cris: i know u dont read my blog la but nvm.. just want to hug u! and say thank you! thanks for being so thoughtful and caring! although i know u for only 2 years(maybe less) but i think u are the best da jie on earth! i will definitely remember u for life! work hard and save money so u can come visit me in singapore! i really MISS U and sasa alot!

jx: mother!!!!! hahaha make u sound so old.. thanks for.. yar. hearing me cry. that day i really.. dunno what happened.. the tears just kept flowing. dun talk abt it la. anw. thanks for always being there for me for the past years ive known u! and im glad we found each other after pri sch! LOVE U MAMA

~sukai + i will LOVE u FOR LIFE, that's my PROMISE to U and to MYSELF +

my.BEAUTIFUL DISASTER... ;